The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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