i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
