woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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