It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
