I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
