Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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