i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
