This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize