If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
