if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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