Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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