just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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