he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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