I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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