marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
