you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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