a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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