apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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