I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
