So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
