We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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