so that wasnt chicken after all
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
