Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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