I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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