my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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