my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
