Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
