you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize