You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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