So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
