why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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