Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
