The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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