Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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