Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
