Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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