Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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