none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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