I want to walk on stilts...naked
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
