Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
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just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN