I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.