My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.