I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.