Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid