the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house