My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
