Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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