I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
