i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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