just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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