So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
