I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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