dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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