I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
