1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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