I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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