I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
