So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
