We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
