There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
