I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
