Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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