The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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