I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
