After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
