How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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