I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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