carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
