she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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