Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
They are going to name an STD after you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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