Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
