my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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