I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, beer. Big fan.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
