Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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