just come out here and I will go home with you...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
