put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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