I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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