Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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