i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
