I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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