i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
did you just send me my own nude
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
