If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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