Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
